


every breath you take

by h_jealouslovers_l



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction
Genre: 2010 larry, 2011 larry, 2012 larry, 2013 larry, Angst, Band, Cuddly Harry, Cute Louis, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Frustrated Louis, M/M, Smut, They're drunk a lot, Too in Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-16
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-02-13 09:15:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2145240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/h_jealouslovers_l/pseuds/h_jealouslovers_l
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A jump, and a touch was all the two of them had, before they longed for each other’s love. To say they fell in love at first sight was a misunderstanding, or even an understatement. What they shared, it was hard to explain. But along with that, came a journey. There was always a journey, everyone had one. But this, this was something different. Something they themselves couldn’t explain. </p><p>It was a moment, a moment of impact. That changed their lives. Forever. </p><p>- “It seems to me that the best relationships, the ones that last… Are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. Truth is not defined by what we choose to hear, but what we refuse to see. It doesn’t have a certain beginning, it certainly has no end. Love happens. You’re unknowingly putting your life, your heart; into a palm of another’s hands and saying, ‘Here, do what you will; mash it into a million pieces, mash it into meat or forget I even handed it to you in the first place, just as long as you have it.’ One day, you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a flick has been switched somewhere, and the person who was just a friend is suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with.” -</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A little something I have been working on for a long time. I had the original of this story posted on my tumblr, but I have decided to update and change it as it's a year later so! Hope you enjoy, leave comments, kudos and whatever else x

_“Life’s, all about moments of impact, and how they change our lives forever.”_

**17 th Of April 2013 **

One, two, or maybe even three hours. Harry had lost count. He became so impatient, sitting in his dark flat that he shared with his  _mate_ or whatever they were classified as, doing nothing but tapping his feet and biting his nails.

He had seen the pictures, in fact, he couldn’t really avoid them. He was out with her again; arms slung around him like a little puppet and it was sad really, because Louis looked happy. When Harry called Louis, he wouldn’t dare mention her name or that he was even with her, subtly he said, “Haz, I’m just out with friends, no need to worry about me, I’ll be home in an hour, okay?” 

It wasn’t because Harry hated Eleanor, in fact; he didn’t hate anyone. That was in Harry’s own friendly nature. It was just the pretending he hated, knowing he couldn’t be himself out there, but he wasn’t the only one. Louis had put this act on for almost three years, and he’d promised Harry that it would be over in a short space of two months. Months then turned into two whole years and Harry was beginning to lose all hope.  He tried to do the same as his friend, but things never lasted long. He just didn’t feel…  _Right._

Gripping his curls so tightly, he ending up twisting them in knots and almost pulling his hair out, Harry gritted his teeth together - he shouldn’t be waiting up this long, for Louis who was probably going to greet him, then head to bed. Fuck it. He was going to bed. And he wasn’t going to speak to Louis in the morning. He frowned to himself.

But of course he was, because no matter how hard Harry tried to be mad at him, he just couldn’t. It was the crinkles by his stupid blue eyes. No, no, it was his little belly that always flopped over his tracksuit trousers. Actually, it was his cheeky little smile he’d show every once in a while towards Harry’s direction. Scrap the whole fucking thing, it was Louis himself.

Subconsciously, Harry lifted his tired body up and sighed, staring into nothing but darkness. He was going to leave a lamp on for Louis so he could at least see where he was going. But once again, Harry stopped in his tracks. No he wasn’t going to turn a light on for him, it would stay off. He probably wouldn't be home until the sun decided to rise anyways.

Making his way up the stairs groggily, Harry heard the front lock of the flat rattle. He sighed, stopping in his tracks. 

“Shit,” a mumble came from the other side of the door, “This goddamn fucking lock won’t work.” In other words, that was Louis’s way of saying;  _I’m too drunk to even unlock the door._ But with a few more rattles and shoves, Louis stumbled into the flat, realising it was dark, “Jesus,” he spoke to himself, “Thanks for leaving a light on Harry.”

Harry closed his eyes,  _should’ve turned the fucking lamp on._

Suddenly, the lights switched on, making Harry’s eyes almost burn as he’d been sitting up in the dark all night. Louis creased his eyes as he saw his boyfriend standing at the top of the pearl staircase and frowned, “So obviously you heard me come in, didn’t bother to help open the door.” 

Harry sighed, “Didn’t hear you unlocking the door to be honest,” he was in no mood to be putting up with drunken Louis, “I’m going to bed.” 

Before Louis put his hand up in protest to argue, he stopped right away as he noticed the tone in Harry’s voice had differed from when he saw him earlier on in the day. Instantly, and naturally, Louis worried, “Are you okay?” 

“Fine.” 

“Hey, I’ve heard that fine before. Don’t you dare lie to me Styles.” 

  
Gritting his teeth together, “Look,” he started, “I’m not going to ruin your night out with Eleanor and Stan. So simple as this; forget I saw you walk in and I’ll continue to head off to bed.” 

Louis sighed in frustration, “Oh c’mon Harry, you know I had to do it.” 

  
Under his breath, hoping for Louis not to hear, he said, “You don’t have to do anything,” which failed to work, because one, Harry was no good whispering and everybody knew that, and two, Louis had good hearing. 

“What was that?” 

Harry rolled his eyes, he wasn’t going to waste his time with this anymore, because he never won, so he turned his back to Louis and fetched for the door handle. 

  
“Fuck, I know you want to say it, so why haven’t you yet?” Louis let out, quickly reaching his hand over his mouth, realising that yes, he was drunk and yes, he spoke his mind when he was drunk. More than he did when he was sober. Harry’s whole body tensed and something in him cracked, whipping his head around to face Louis, “What do you want me to say? Louis, what? What the fuck am I actually meant to say?” he furiously yelled, from up the stairs, “That I’m sick to do  _death_ of the way we get treated? Like fucking puppets on a string, and that you go along with it like it’s okay?” 

Running his feminine hands through his sweat blown hair, Louis sighed, “We’re doing this for our protection Harry, so we don’t get completely attacked. I agree, I want us to be safe.” 

Harry scoffed, “Safe?  _Safe?_  You actually buy that shit?” he shook his head, “God. They’re sucking you in bit by bit,” and Harry meant the truth when he said that. Because the day that they both agreed to this “protecting the band and the both of you” bullshit, Harry nor Louis wanted to go along with it, “You’ve never agreed to it, so why suddenly do you jump ships? Do you realise, that if we were who we actually were out there, they’d lose money. That’s why they don’t want us to be who we are. And it seems that you’re starting to believe your own fucking lies. That you’re  _actually_ in love with her. She has a job too, it’s not like she properly cares about you.”   
  
With that being said, he hurt Louis’s feelings. More than a little, less than a lot. Their fights had been getting worse and worse by the months, fuelled with tension. And when they blew, they fucking blew, Louis had to give that to them both. They knew how to bite each other’s head off. But it was this in particular argument that was waiting to happen. Louis knew Harry was right, but he wasn’t going to sit there and believe that Harry could actually think he had fallen in love with Eleanor, “You really think that huh?” Louis slammed his hand on the table holding a vase on it, causing the vase to shake, “Then why don’t we forget about us then?” 

Harry rolled his eyes, knowing with every disagreement they had about  _them,_ Louis always said, “Let’s forget us then,” or, “ We’re over then,” to try and somehow have Harry running towards him. It worked when Harry was young and vulnerable, but now he was older and begun to realise his own tricks, he shrugged it off, “You know what Louis? They’re not protecting us, they’re completely fucking destroying us. Keep that in mind yeah?”   
  
Harry didn’t bother waiting for a response; because he knew this time he won and wasn’t going to fight anymore. There was no use. Louis watched his Harry gently shut the door behind him, and fell to the couch, forcing his head down to his phone and unlocking it, while seeing the screen before him. His best friend, boyfriend, his  _everything._ Before everything just so easily had to fuck up, before they had secrets. He just wanted to go back to it all; the start. He knew though, that he’d dug himself a hole so deep and he really lost his way up and out of it. Tears prickled at the edge of Louis’s eyes and he leaned his head back on the edge of the couch, taking one deep breath in.

It almost seemed lurching himself into bed was a struggle for Harry; he didn’t even bother removing his clothes from himself as he just felt so shit. He expected all of the procrastination from Louis as he walked through the door. Drunk or not, Harry didn’t care. If he couldn’t be himself and said what he pleased out in the public eye, then he could around Louis. No, he wasn’t going to lock himself away from everyone. 

- 

**2014**

One year later, nothing had got better and everything had changed.   
  
A few months after the mishap, they had decided that once tour was over, they'd look to buy their own homes. And so that happened. Well, Harry had found a property in Primrose that had been renovated throughout his absence on tour. Louis, on the other hand had decided to keep the place both Harry and him shared, but he refused to live there. He moved in with Zayn and Perrie. While it was a burden on both Perrie and Zayn, Louis was his best friend and with a situation as messy and uncomfortable as it was, Zayn couldn't let Louis out of his sight. The thing was, neither of them had let go. 

It was complicated now, and while it seemed complicated in the years that passed them by, it became personally complicated now. They refused to split up, because after a close four years, what would it be worth if they gave up? 

They just had their differences and problems that needed to be sorted. They still fucked in their lonely hotel rooms, all over the world, while making a thousand more already broken promises. As if they needed anymore. 

The rumours never stopped either. 

 **Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson 'Gay Affair' Tearing One Direction Apart:**   _Louis admits that it is 'affecting' the way he is with Harry, 'It's hard to deal with.'_

 **Louis Tomlinson 'Flips Out' Over Harry Styles Gay Rumours: _'_** _It's The Biggest Load of Bulls**t'_

 **One Direction's Louis Tomlinson Disputes Gay Rumours:**   _One Direction's Louis Tomlinson has decided to use Twitter to end speculation that he's gay and involved in a secret relationship with his band mate, Harry Styles._

**Louis Tomlinson: Larry Stylinson Shippers "Aren't Our Real Fans"**

**Boy Banders Are Hiding A Secret:**   _Two young gay men in one popular group._

Twitter didn't stop either. 

_@Louis_Tomlinson I only followed you because you're a fucking disgusting faggot!_

_@Harry_Styles is a fucking faggot. I fucking hate faggot ass One Direction._

_@Louis_Tomlinson stfu faggot_

_FUCK YOU @Harry_Styles YOU'RE A FUCKING FAGGOT GO FUCK YOURSELF_

_'Louis Tomlinson' has 14 letters but so does 'fucking faggot'_

@Harry_Styles: Despite the company outside, I believe in equal rights for everyone. I think God loves all. Thanks for coming to the show though.

- 

Louis could feel nothing but hatred and anger towards the whole situation, and that's partly what changed him over the past year. He wasn't Louis anymore. Not the Louis that was recognisable at least. He spent most of his time drinking, taking the occasional drugs - bud of which became regular to him - and feeling sorry for himself. He was so fucking selfish, he'd give himself that but at the most he thought none of this was his fault. Purely Harry for making the decision to move out and focus on themselves. That of which wasn't going to plan, only making everything fucking worse. 

And Louis did feel sorry for the rest of his band mates because they were all his brothers, and having to deal with a problem as big as this almost all the time must be pretty draining. But what are friends for, right? It was Zayn that paid the most attention to Louis, while Niall and Liam focused on keeping everyone happy. They were happy, when it was the five of them, but there was always two specific boys that limited themselves to show what true happiness was. Nevertheless, they knew how to pretend. They were getting pretty damn good at it. 

He didn't know what they were, and in fact, Louis didn't really care anymore. He wasn't sure where along the line he lost himself, but he was fairly sure it was back in early 2012 when they had decided where all of this would go. He would admit from time to time, that it was his fault for pushing along with that decision, but that was long gone and he was only trying protect the people that were important to him. What he didn't realise though, he wasn't putting himself first. 

And this was what had led Louis up to now. 

He woke quite abruptly and he could feel his forehead sweat, he knew he'd been having a nightmare. But like a lot of things, Louis couldn't remember moments after.

Zayn was sat at the edge of his bed, a small, comforting smile. One that Louis knew was a concerned one too. Zayn had changed too, however, Zayn changed at least once a month too. His cheeks were more hollow, his eyes still that warm, brown and his facial hair looked attractive, unlike Louis' who looked as if he'd been living on the streets for weeks. That's what happens when you live with Zayn. 

"Gotta be ready in fifteen, mate," he said as Louis sat up and groaned for two of the reasons - a raging headache and the thought of tour starting again - which, he shouldn't be complaining because tour was the number one distraction from all this shit. All winter Louis had rarely gone out, he visited home a few times and spent time with the girls which was merely a distraction but apart from that, he sat in his room getting high, sleeping, or watching the proper ridiculous programs on television. 

He also hadn't spoke to Harry in three weeks. Which wasn't anything big, because that's how it would go. When they're on break, it's three times in a month that they speak. Five at the most if they're spending time with all five boys. 

"Right then," Louis spoke as he stretched his arms and slipped out of bed, "Better get my shit, shave and shower." 

Zayn laughed, "You better. Don't come downstairs naked or anything, Perrie's up and cooking us a quick brekkie to go."   
  
"That's my favourite lass." 

-

Louis had no time to stare at his new self in the mirror before him like he did every morning. He would spend ten minutes at the most, thinking to himself about how homeless he looked or how long his hair was getting and that he should probably get himself together sooner or later. But after procrastinating, he would just shrug it off and shower.

Maybe today he'd try a littler harder.

And he did. His jeans were a little tighter, and his hair was neater. Tied up. And he shaved a little, still wanted to keep the stubble and show everyone how not-so-feminine he was.

Before they left, Perrie had helped them get all their stuff together at the front door, while Louis and Zayn had one last coffee and smoke on the balcony, "You've tried a bit today," Zayn had said and Louis thanked him for noticing. He wasn't in the mood to show the media how he'd really done nothing but look homeless over their break. 

-

Louis was dreading going back to the same routine, it made him even more worn out and tired. But all at once, it sent his adrenaline running and on tour, it was like he was a completely different person, he felt like he could fly. He wondered if he would still feel the same this time round, he hoped he would.

And when him and Zayn jumped into the large, black car, Louis' heart almost fell out of his mouth. Because these were the boys he loved and grew up with, the one's he's living his dream with. 

Also the one boy he's ever loved his entire being with. 

Harry was sat on the window side, lost in his phone. But as soon as he heard the door open, his head snapped up. And Louis locked eyes with him. His eyes were still that same green, and his lips were still his lips, his plump, pink lips. This time, his hair was longer too. And maybe Louis wasn't the only one who'd sat at home feeling sorry for himself. It was Harry though, he was never one to be selfish. 

They snapped out of their trance as Niall piped in, and Harry didn't smile back at Louis, because like the bastard Louis was, all he did was look Harry's way then focus completely on someone else. 

"Are we ready boys? This year is gonna be fuckin' mental, like,"


	2. i can feel all the things you've ever felt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You said you don’t have to speak, I can hear you. I can feel all the things you’ve ever felt before. I said it’s been a long time since someone looked at me that way, it’s like you knew me and all the things I couldn’t say.”

**Manchester – Etihad Stadium 8:00 pm.**

His hands were shaking, and sweating as he cupped them as tightly as he could together. Harry felt Lou - their hairdresser - run her fingers and the wax being spread through his hair. He wasn't sure what was wrong with him tonight, usually he would be buzzing off every wall in the room. He'd done this before, there was nothing to be nervous of. Or maybe it was the fact that he hadn’t spoken to Louis for three whole weeks. Harry was being his stubborn self, but Louis too was just as fucked up as himself. He just knew how to put a brave face on, and Harry wanted to kill Louis for it. It made him think that Louis didn’t give a proper shit. Harry was, in fact wrong about that. Louis cared, maybe even too much. 

He knew when he saw Louis for the first time two days ago, that they wouldn't finish. Ever. They would always be unfinished business and Louis got under his skin and made him feel all different things.

Things were fucked up, he thought. Beyond fucked up. And he didn't know how to handle anything when it came to Louis anymore.

“Your hair’s look proper lovely tonight my dear, you’re all done,” Lou said as she slipped one of his many bandanas through his hair. He half smiled in response and slowly pulled himself up off the chair, he frowned as he suddenly felt light-headed, “You right love?” Lou asked as she gently ran her hand up his back.

Harry slowly nodded, “Yeah…yeah. Just got up a bit too quick.” 

“Come to think of it, you’re looking quite pale. You sure you’re alright?” Lou frowned as shefixed Harry a cup of water. 

He nodded once more, and knew he wasn’t okay. But he wasn’t going to make a big fuss of it, especially to the boys or anyone. That would disappoint them. Harry took a big swig of the water and let out a smile, “I’m okay, really. Just needed that water. Thanks Lou. See you after the show, yeah?” 

“Alright love,” Lou sighed as she leaned against the hair stand, “I’m just worried about you, you know? You and Louis, I know things are pretty fucked up and I could imagine how hard that is. But you’ve got to pull through, wear your tight jeans tighter and show off what a real man you are.” 

Harry laughed, Lou knew what was going on in his mind, well, sort of. In a better way to put it, she understood him, “Love you too much.”   
  
She laughed back, “Love you too. Now go get em!” playfully, she slapped Harry’s bum and he made his way into the backstage room were the rest of the boys were. 

There was still the unwell feeling in Harry’s head and stomach, but he brushed it off and made his way to join the rest of the boys.

-

“Where’s Harry?” Eleanor quietly asked as she sat next to Zayn, across from Louis. Louis shrugged, he wasn’t in the mood for any Harry questions. He was trying his best to show like he didn't care in the slightest about him, that everything was okay.   
  
“He’s probably just finishing up his hair,” Zayn spoke as he was shoving down a sandwich.  
   
Louis sighed in frustation and looked up from his phone to face Eleanor, “Hey, aren’t you meant to be out in the crowd or something, you know, to let everyone know you’re here?” Louis was a dick to Eleanor, which was a given fact. Especially in situations like this. She had no reason to actually be sitting here with the four of them when she wasn’t actually Louis’ girlfriend, or for the most part, in the band.

Liam rolled his eyes, “Mate, just lay off the attitude for a while.” 

“No, Liam,” Eleanor started, “He’s right. I’m meant to be meeting Sophia out the front anyways, she's running late.”   
  
As Eleanor picked her bag up, it just so happened that Harry had to walk through the door. Straightaway, Louis noticed the pale look Harry had a upon him. He had to bite his tongue before saying anything, He couldn't talk to him. And as much as he wanted to walk over and kiss his pale, cold looking lips and wrap him up in himself, he just couldn't. So he sat back and looked back down at his phone, taking no knowledge of his existence.  
  
“Hi Harry,” Louis heard Eleanor speak as she walked out the door.   
  
It was in Harry’s natural friendliness to say hello back, and just like that, he said, “Hi love.”   
  
“Love the new hairstyle buddy! Lookin' like a proper rockstar now,” Niall commented as he stopped playing his guitar.   
  
Harry laughed softly, “Thanks. We’ve decided to go for a Jagger look on me.”   
  
“Yeah, yeah,” Zayn started, “You won't get as close to looking like him, mate. As much as you wish it.”  
  


Louis wanted to block his ears, and not have to listen to the banter they were all having. Because usually he’d be involved with it all. He felt Harry watching him, but he could do nothing but look down at his phone, wishing these painful minutes would stop. Suddenly though, his wish was granted. Marco, their leader of management walked through, “Right boys! It’s time to shine!”   
  
They all stood up, while Niall jumped up excitedly. Louis himself would’ve been buzzing too, but he was too torn up about the whole fucking situation with Harry, like always. He wanted to just walk away and scream.   
  
Making their way through the hallways that led to the stage, Louis walked a head of everyone, following the stage directors. At this point before a show, Louis would get nervous. So to help his nerves, his took in deep breaths, with slow blinking. It was beginning to work. And he could hear all the screams, that's when the adrenaline and excitement started to kick in.

All until he heard Liam yell Harry’s name  
  
Louis whipped his head around, seeing Harry run away from the entrance to the stage.  
  
Just like that, in Louis' own instincts, he followed. He wanted to stop himself, but he just couldn't, not knowing that Harry was in some sort of pain.   
  
As he begun to jog, Marco, who followed behind them all, stopped Louis, “And what do you think you’re doing?” he asked as he grabbed Louis, “You’re going to turn right ar-” 

Louis hated Marco, in fact everyone involved with management. They were the whole reason his relationship with Harry was fucked, they gave them both their dead ends.

He pulled out of Marco’s grip, “No, I’m not bloody turning around. I’m going to see what’s wrong with him. If you’re in any way concerned.” Again, Marco grabbed onto Louis’s shirt, and again, Louis pushed him off, “Get the fuck off me, yeah? I’ll do what I fucking please, he’s my  _boyfriend_ ,” Louis made sure emphasis was put on that word; he knew Marco hated it, even though right now, Louis hated it too, “You can delay the show for a few minutes. No one out there will know.”   
  
Before Marco could force another word to Louis, he pushed away once more and jogged back down the hallway, trying to retrace Harry’s steps. As he jogged, Luke, one of the members of their support act called Louis’s name out, “Oi Lou, you looking for Harry?”

Louis nodded out of breath in response, “He’s run into the bathroom. Think he’s sick.” 

He thanked Luke and continued running for the bathroom, swinging open the door. He heard soft coughs and mumbles coming from behind a cubicle door. He quickly opened the door and stood there for a moment as he watched Harry before him, on his knees throwing up his stomach down the toilet bowl.   
  
Louis dropped to his knees as well, and raised one hand behind Harry’s back, while the other held his hair back. Harry suddenly stopped, and turned his head to see Louis sat behind him. For what seemed like seconds, Harry watched Louis, not taking his eyes off of him and when Louis watched back, he realised the pain in Harry’s eyes. He felt it, through his skin, his bones. Everything Harry felt, he felt. 

Harry then lost all focus and fell into Louis’s arms, beginning to sob. Louis clenched his jaw and slowly shut his eyes. Harry's skin felt so familiar against his and all Louis wanted to do was cry. 

“I’m s-sorry Lou..is.” Harry choked through his tears, gripping onto Louis’s shirt, “I wan..I want this to stop. Can you make it stop? Can you make it all go away? Please?”   
  
Louis wasn't sure if he meant for him to stop vomiting or the fact of everything being so  _fucked_ up to the point of no return, and Louis couldn't bring himself to say anything. 

But in the end, he did. He never wanted to disappoint Harry, it had never been his intentions.   
  
“I love you,” Louis softly breathed into Harry’s hair, “I can’t make any of this stop. I’ve tried. You’ve tried,” He felt a tear trickle down his arm, realising it was Harry’s, “We’ll be okay though. We always are.” 

That was a lie, but everything was based off lies nowadays, so what was the point of telling the truth?

Harry softly pulled himself of off Louis, and wiped his mouth. He bought himself closer to Louis’s lips and for a second, Louis wasn’t all that into kissing him after he’d just been sick. But that didn’t stop Harry from pressing his lips against Louis’ as he cupped his hands in his face. It was moments like these, things like this that both of them nowadays had to cherish. It was just within a snap of the fingers that good things would disappear.

It was the same shit, different day Louis would say to himself. Different places, different faces but the same situation. It was a trap; he couldn’t escape, even if he tried. He wanted to scream, break free. He had no freedom, none of them did. Louis wanted to hit people, break things, and destroy what destroyed his happiness, his own happiness.

But he couldn’t.

He’d wait for his cue to be brought up to the stage, and plaster on a smile for thousands of people to see. Just to reassure everyone that he was okay, even when he wasn’t. He would  glance over to Harry, as if there was not one secret that existed between them both. Harry would do the same. After all, they were damn good at pretending, and of course, lying.    



	3. i didn't want to care and then i saw you there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We’re only young and naive still, we require certain skill. The mood it changes like the wind, hard to control when it begins. The bittersweet between my teeth, trying to find the in-between. Fall back in love eventually.”
> 
> (warning: this chapter includes a sex scene)

**Manchester – Etihad Stadium Car Park, 10:30 pm.**

**Louis’ Point Of View:**  
  
I couldn’t breathe. There was no godamn way I could physically move either. Lights were flashing from every possible direction, and my ears were piercing from the thousands of screams that surrounded me and the rest of the lads. I’d heard my name about fifty times in the space of a minute, and to be fair, it was getting well annoying. But for me, I’d thrown on my typical smile towards everyone, despite being mobbed at this very moment.

Eleanor was gripping tightly to my hand as I pulled her through the crowd. If anyone was completely terrified in this situation, it was Eleanor. It was times like these, where I really sort of had to feel bad for her, I mean, it didn't help the fact I was a fucking prick to her. I’d always inform her that she didn’t necessarily have to come with us everywhere, just to remind people we were together and for a while she took my advice.  

All until Marco realised I was slowly letting her off her fucking leash. He gave me the benefit of the doubt in me trying to “help” Eleanor, but it was her  _job._ At first, Eleanor enjoyed the job. It was a favour to not only me, but Harry. With trying to protect us and all that bullshit, but now, I can tell she’s being dragged in by it. Not in the sense that’s she’s fallen in love with me – Because she hasn’t, we’re simply just good old “pals”- but because of how people react to her. Everyone and I mean everyone that supported us, had an opinion on her. Whether it’d be sweet, or just cruel they thought something of Eleanor, and I wasn’t quite sure she was dealing with that well.   
  
As our friendship, if I dare say, blossomed, it was easier for me to talk to about certain  _things_ to her. Things being Harry. She knew the inside and outside of our secret. I had to give myself this, I had times where I would treat her like shit, but honest to god, I don’t mean it. I really don’t. It’s not just Harry and I struggling in this whole fucking situation, it’s Eleanor too. Maybe even throw the rest of the lads in too. Each day they have to be part of this, this stupid fucking lie. I just want to wake up one day, and be able to tell the world the truth. But it’s not that easy, we’ve been dug in a hole so deep, we’re afraid that we’ll never be able to climb up on out.   
  
“Out of the way!” I heard Paul almost scream in my ear as he pushed myself and Eleanor through the crowd. She gripped tighter as I flexed my arms and pushed a little through the crowd, making it easier access for myself.   
  
As I looked to my left, Harry was without a bodyguard and for a few moments, I watched him as he let girls tackle him with hugs, pull his hair, grip his sweaty shirt and stand before him as they took photos. Still, he managed to smile. It wasn’t the genuine smile I knew though, the one that would come ever so naturally as he watched me laugh or do something stupid. It was the smile that showed fear or even anger on his face. I knew he wasn’t happy; he’d been off edge the whole show, especially after what happened before the show. He wouldn’t interact with anyone. There was one point, as the interval came up, where he completely disappeared. I’d realised after Zayn told me, that he was again, sick.   
  
I squeezed my eyes shut; taking a deep breath of the air I could hardly breathe and turned away from Harry. I couldn’t however, manage to take my now focused mind off of him. It didn’t help that numerous girls were also screaming his name. My eyes snapped open and I faced him, which to my surprise; he had his eyes also on mine. Though it wasn’t my favourite green sparkling eyes that were staring directly at me, it was the dark-green envious eyes. They terrified me. I watched him, as I continued to be pushed, and suddenly, all the noise around me, the people around me all became blurred. He was all I saw. I smiled towards him and soon remembered who was tightly holding my hand and where we were. I swallowed hard, as the noise and people came back to me. I watched as Harry clenched his jaw hard, while his whole body tensed and broke free of the girls’ grips, pushing himself into the mini-van.

From what he was hours before, vulnerable and small had now been brushed off. He was back to the raged Harry that I knew in the last few months. 

I felt a sudden urge of anger come over me too, so I pulled my hand out of Eleanor’s grip and pushed through the crowd not bothering about any of the fans and got into the car, slamming the door shut as I squished between Liam and the door. I heard Eleanor gently speaking as she hopped into the back as Paul asked if she was fine. I sighed angrily, as I ran my now sweaty fingers through my hair.   
  
Under his breath, I heard Harry scoff and at that point I swore to god that I was about to go mental. Liam knew exactly what I was about to do, so instead of letting me go full throttle on Harry, he gently gripped my thigh and whispered, “It’s not worth it man.”   
  
I took a deep breath as I shut my eyes again, and pulled out my phone, swearing myself to silence the whole way back to the hotel.  He was right, it’s not worth it. It never fucking is.

-

**11:24 pm.**

The whole car ride was mainly Niall and Zayn cracking pointless jokes between them both as Liam had fallen asleep on Louis’s shoulder, which Louis was sort of grateful for because all he did was go on about how excited he was to get back to the hotel to see Sophia. Nothing neither Niall, nor Zayn did could break the awful tension between Harry and Louis. Niall had wished he’d taken the car with Ashton and Calum while Zayn had wished he spent the car ride on the phone to Perrie.

As Eleanor sat in the back of the car, trying to mind her own business, she watched the five boys in front of her, focussing her eyes on Harry. Louis’s head hadn’t lifted ever since the car started and Harry hadn’t tried once to take his eyes off Louis, _look at me you fucking prick,_ he thought to himself. Eleanor so badly wanted to speak up and tell them to man the hell up. She’d never seen such stubborn boys in her life. The way they were for each other was miraculously insane.

The car came to a holt as it stopped in the underground car park of their hotel, causing Liam to groan as he woke and a few others stretching.   
  
As Niall hopped out of the car, he half smiled, “Hey lads. How about we head down to the bar, have a few drinks and lad time?”   
  
Zayn, who was still in the midst of stretching and pulling out his cigarettes, nodded, “Yeah, I’m up for that. Need to relax a bit I reckon, Li you in?”   
  
Nodding also, Liam agreed, “Harry?”   
  
Harry hesitated as he raised his gaze to Louis who was fixing his shirt, then focused back on the boys, “Yeah..yeah. I need that. Sounds cool,” he wasn’t going to bother asking Louis, as Eleanor was in the back of the car, he knew he’d say no. Harry was also fuming.   
  
“Lou?”   
  
Louis looked up as Niall spoke, “What?”  
   
“Coming for a drink with us?”   
  
“Oh, nah, I’m right. I’ll probably just give mum a call then head to bed.”   
  
Liam pulled his eyebrows together as he peered into the car which Eleanor was still sat in, “What about Eleanor?”   
  
Louis followed Liam’s gaze to Eleanor, “She’s going out with Sophia I think.” Liam nodded in Louis’ response, “Alright mate, you get some sleep then, yeah?”   
  
Louis avoided all things to do with fans and the rest of the crew as he let himself up into his room, he was in no mood to speak to anyone. He thought of calling his mum, but there was no use in complaining to her about his pointless problems. He softly shut the door behind him, sighing heavily and chucking his shoes off.   
  
First thing he thought was beer. A nice cool beer to calm him the hell down after that almost riot like situation. He placed his phone on the bench as he bent down to the mini-fridge, grabbing a beer and taking a nice swig out of it before he chucked himself onto the bed. Louis stared at the ceiling above, taking in all the little details of the architecture.

Maybe he should’ve gone out with the boys. He was just too fucking beaten about the whole thing, he had no fucking clue what to do or say. It was like he was becoming more and more suffocated. It felt like it was more so his fault, because he was the one with the fake girlfriend. In frustration, Louis childishly kicked the hair.

Just as Louis was about to let it all out and cry, he heard an impatient knock on his door. He pulled his eyebrows together as he sat up, feeling his hair also rise as he’d been kicking about on the bed.

He wasn’t going to answer it, because he knew it’d be Marco hassling him.

But again, the knock happened, and this time he knew it wasn’t Marco. Pulling himself up to the door, he sniffled slightly as he slowly opened the door, peering his head through the crack. As soon as he opened the door, Louis felt the door being pushed so hard open, that he himself, fell to the floor.

  
“What the he-” he stopped mid-sentence as he saw Harry standing above him, his fists curled up tightly in a ball and his muscled so tense it looked almost like they were about to pop. 

Louis swallowed hard as he pulled himself up, slowly. Harry watched his every move, while Louis studied Harry’s face. His jaw was still as clenched as it was earlier on and his eyes looked just as dark, this time, it seemed as though tears were about to fall.

Harry couldn’t take it anymore; every bone in his body was aching to touch Louis again. Mark his already owned territory. Feel Louis’s skin against his own.   
  
He missed his touches, he missed touching him. Properly. He stormed over to Louis, not bothered with being gentle or not and slammed _his_ boyfriend into the wall, breathing on him. He noticed Louis’s eyes widen in amusement. All Harry could do was stare back, before dipping his head into Louis’s neck, sucking hard on his neck and slipping his tongue out to lick up it, he heard soft gasps creep out from Louis’ lips. With that, Harry smirked and pushed himself against Louis even harder. Messily, he crashed his lips against Louis’ small shaped lips, and instantly, Louis kissed back while Harry felt Louis smirk through their kiss. Harry gripped Louis’ shirt and threw it onto the floor, he slightly lifted his fragile body against the wall some more so it was easier for him to kiss down Louis' chest. He crept his lips across his collar bone then back up to his ear, he felt Louis’ hair on his skin raise as he whispered, “I’m angry Lou,” he was best at being dominant when he wanted to make Louis feel good. And when he did, Louis could do nothing but give in and scream Harry’s name. This is exactly what Harry wanted, and was going to get.

Keeping his hands tightly wrapped around Louis’s hips, he lifted him up while Louis ran his fingers through Harry’s messy curls, causing Harry to bite down on his lip hard and tossing Louis onto the bed. By now, Louis had caught on. Harry threw himself on top of Louis, nibbling on the bottom of his earlobe, “You know how angry I get when I see you with her. Who the  _fuck_ do you belong to Louis fucking Tomlinson?”   
  
Louis’s breath hitched, and he almost ripped apart Harry’s shirt as he looked up, he growled, “You Harry. I belong to you.”   
  
“That’s better.”   
  
Slowly, Harry traced his fingers down Louis’s chest as Louis watched him. He brought his lips to his v-line, kissing down it. Not hesitating with the belt holding Louis’ trousers up, he easily unbuckled it, tossing it to the side and slipping his trousers along with his briefs off. There was a strange sensation in Louis’s stomach as Harry’s lips neared his length, he took a heavy breath before letting out, “Fuck Harry. I can’t wait any longer.”   
  
Harry smirked as his lips traced around his tip, and his hand pumping his length. He knew he was teasing Louis, but it was exactly what he wanted. He heard a groan escape from Louis’ lips, and that’s when he took him whole in his mouth, wrapping his long tongue on Louis as he begun to suck.  
  
As Harry took Louis’ length in his mouth, Louis squeezed his eyes shut tightly, causing crinkles to form around his eyes. He dug his fingers into the sheets of the bed, as he felt Harry’s soft plush lips wrapped around his now hardened, pulsating dick.  
  
It wasn’t very often that Harry would make Louis feel good, with tour being a distraction and the big hole in their relationship didn’t quite help either. But regardless, here Harry was, sucking him off. He could hear every deep breath, moan and groan that escaped Louis’ lips and he was about ready to fuck the shit out of him. At 20, Harry couldn’t contain his raging hormones, especially when it came to seeing Louis standing on stage in his tight jeans. His eyebrows would arch, and his piercing blue eyes would stare as his neck veins popped out when he got so into his solos. It made Harry throb in every sensational part in his body.

Louis felt sweat trickle down his forehead as his breathing increased and he worked his hips upwards into Harry’s face, he groaned loudly, not being able to contain himself.   
  
The thing with Harry that Louis always seemed to notice is that if he was mad, he would want one thing from him and one thing only. A proper good shag.    
  
But it had seemed to become between their relationship a little more than it should have. There were more fights than intimate moments, and just pure lust. Louis didn’t remember a recent time when they made  _love_  and it started to bother him, especially after three straight weeks of not talking and everything being so fucked up. Whether it bothered Harry, Louis never knew.   
  
Louis didn’t even know why all that stupid shit was running through his brain at that exact moment. For god fucking sakes, his boyfriend was giving him a blow job and it was quite clear that they were about to fuck for the first time in monthss as soon as Louis gasped through his hitched breath, “F..uck me Harry.”   
  
Harry’s smirk rose, causing his deep dimples to show as he lifted his lips from Louis’ length and crawled on top of Louis, “Oh? I was planning to,” and slammed Louis over on to his stomach.   
  
His fingertips gripped tightly onto Louis’ hips, Harry felt himself shake as it’d been the first time he’d had sex with Louis in so long and as he took in his petite and perfect figure, he found it hard to breathe and concentrate. He’d missed out on so much recently.   
  
To Harry, Louis’ body begun to look less feminine than he had once seen, as the tattoos covered his upper and lower arms, along with his long, daggy, messy hair and the stubble that Harry felt tickle against his own chin. It gave Louis an edgier, sexier more grown up look, but Harry missed the young idiotic Louis he’d fallen in love with in the first place. The one that was so anti-tattoo that he’d shun Harry every time he came home with a new one, the Louis that looked at you and you  _knew_ he adored you from afar. These all became illusions in Harry’s mind as he knew things were changing ever so quickly. He wasn’t ready to let go of Louis. He wanted to still let him know, that Louis belonged to him.  
  
Harry already became so turned on by hearing those three words from Louis’ lips that he’d already worked himself up enough. He brought his length, to Louis’ entrance and softly whispered to Louis shakily, “If it hurts…let me know, okay?”  
   
He heard a soft mumble from Louis, “Mhm.”   
  
And with that, Harry squeezed his eyes shut as tightly as he could, and slammed himself into Louis, causing Louis to raise himself up and support his on body weight on his elbows, while pushing himself backwards up into Harry.

After a few moments, the pain Louis was feeling soon went away as it was being replaced with pleasure. He felt Harry’s eyes on his every move and deep shortened breaths he took. Louis fluttered his eyes with every thrust he felt inside him, biting down softly on his lips taking in that Harry was once again, making him feel good.  
  
His mind became a blur, his stomached tightened and all he could think of was Harry being in him. Harry leaned over Louis, grabbing tightly to the headboard and slamming harder into him. Louis groaned, but soon, he realised there was no softness or gentleness in Harry’s thrusts, or movement.   
  
He looked up to Harry, seeing his forehead full of beaded sweat, he wasn’t looking down on Louis like usual. His jaw was clenched; his eyes dead open, focusing on the wall ahead of him as he continued to thrust. Louis didn’t see the real Harry. Just the lustful, jealous person that was being shown. Louis felt sick to the stomach,  _what the fuck was happening?_  
  
He gasped out to Harry, to stop, but Harry didn’t look down, he continued to push himself into Louis and suddenly that pleasure, went away and back came the pain. Louis squeezed his eyes shut in pain, “Harry. Stop. Please.”   
  
Harry looked down, smirking, “What? Don’t you like it?” he obviously thought Louis was having a joke, to get Harry to work harder, but he was wrong when Louis firmly spoke, “No. I don’t. Stop it.”   
  
Frowning and wiping the curls out of his face, Harry slowly pulled out and Louis pushed Harry out of him, grabbing his pants and chasing himself into the bathroom, slamming the door and locking it shut.

Standing there, naked and confused, Harry frowned again and followed Louis. He tried opening the door, but realised it was locked and he sighed. Leaning his head on the door, speaking through the barely there crack, Harry spoke, “Open the door Lou.”   
  
Silence. Louis said nothing.  
   
Harry swallowed,  _what had just happened?_  
  
“That didn’t mean anything, did it?” Louis whispered from behind the door, “You just needed it because you were mad didn’t you?” 

“Louis…you know that’s not true. I love you,” was all Harry seemed to crack out. He quickly realised why Louis had run off and got so upset. Harry thought back to a few minutes ago, and noticed that he took no acknowledgement of his boy, he was just thinking of how good  _he_  felt. Not Louis. Harry felt his chest heave in disappointment and slid down to the floor against the same door as Louis, despite his nakedness. He bit his trembling lip.  
  
“What happened to us?”   
  
Harry took a big shaky breath in, and gently closed his eyes as he felt a tear fall and a shiver run down his spine. He couldn’t answer Louis’ question, because he just didn’t know.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are enjoying so far!


	4. i'm falling for your eyes but they don't know me yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Your hearts against my chest, your lips pressed to my neck. I’m falling for your eyes, but they don’t know me yet. With a feeling I’ll forget, I’m in love now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my favourite chapter I've written so far! The flashbacks are my favourite because they give you an insight as to how (in my eyes) Louis and Harry fell in love. Completely clique. Enjoy and do your usual kudos, comments etc! Thanks for the reads so far too x 
> 
>  
> 
> (if the flashbacks get a little confusing then that's fine - they all piece together in some way and you find out what happened with the stan/louis situation - the flashbacks are set at harry's place before live shows, all the way through to late 2012)

Both Harry and Louis had in the end, fallen asleep on either side of the door that night. The tiles were cold against Louis’ skin but he refused to leave that bathroom and face Harry when all Louis felt was useless.

Harry, on the other hand wouldn’t leave Louis’ room because he just couldn’t. He wanted Louis to be safe, and to know that what had just occurred was entirely Harry’s fault. Maybe _everything_ was Harry’s fault, because in the end; Harry was alone. At any cost, he would always somehow, end up with a ‘beard’, and unlike Louis had with Eleanor – none of these women were his friends – maybe Caroline was a little, but Harry was young. He was new to the whole thing; she made him sensible in a sense that she was showing him that she would be the first of many of these types of relationships.

And it was sad, because at the time Harry had no idea. He only thought this would last, _two months._ Almost four years later and here he is. Fighting for what he loves. And it’s ridiculous, he thinks. Because why should he be fighting for the one thing he loves, when he’s right before his eyes. It wasn’t fucking fair, and at first, Harry didn’t mind because all he had was Louis. That was all that mattered.

But as they got older, things got complicated. Things got _serious._ It wasn’t a simple flirty thing anymore. They moved in together, they cooked for each other, slept together. This wasn’t a friendship with a simple shag here and there. It was serious. And maybe things hadn’t caught up with them about how really serious it was to make the decision of hiding it. They didn’t know it would last this long, Harry had no idea he’d be this in love with Louis four years later.

-

**9:31 am**

Louis with a surprise woke in a bed, when all he remembered was falling asleep on the floor of his hotel bathroom. He blinked up at the ceiling for a few moments, trying to remember the events of last night.

And it came flooding in like a tsunami, the anger and jealousy of Harry and the way their lips clashed so forcefully while all Harry did was _wantwantwant_ from Louis. He ran his index finger across his lips, and they still felt swollen from the night before, it had been months since they’d had a moment like that, good or bad. And his lips had never felt so on fire as they did now, even after the hours of sleep in-between.

This happened every time. Every time they saw each other. The both of them think they can handle time away from each other and that it will make everything better. But it doesn’t, they’re stuck in the same loop. No matter how many times they separate for, they’re pulled instantly back in by each other. Louis’ starting to believe that this _time heals all wounds_ stuff is literal bullshit.

He hears his phone vibrate on the bedside table and reaches quickly to grab it, seeing a text from Zayn.

_Hiya mate ! We’re all out shopping n stuff was asleep when I came 2 check on u , looked too peaceful_ _J have a rest today x_

And Louis didn’t reply, but he thanked Zayn in his head and knew Zayn would understand his laziness. After all, last night had worn out and confused him. He didn’t know what it meant, and he wouldn’t know anytime soon because he hadn’t heard from Harry. But he knew he was the one that put Louis back to bed. He was thankful for that too.

Louis lay back down, to stare for the tenth time, at the architecture on the ceiling. His mind and thoughts suddenly drifted to better days. He did that a lot when he was alone nowadays.

-

**2010**

Music pumped through the little house that belonged to Harry and his family, the smell of alcohol filled the whole house, even through the bedrooms that had access to them. There weren’t many people there, but enough to call it a crowded house. 

Louis was doing his best to at least keep the house clean for the courtesy of Anne, his head wasn’t really switched on properly, and he knew that for a fact. Having found his girlfriend cheat on him with his best friend, Stan, probably wasn’t the best way to start a day.   
  
Harry had found himself drifting away from Louis, as he was catching up with old friends. As Louis watched Harry from the kitchen, he saw shot after shot, pint after pint and so on being thrown down his throat and every time Harry threw his head back, making his curls flop all over the place, Louis just simply smiled and thought that he was doing a good job for a sixteen year old.

The rest of the boys, whom Louis had seen once or twice, were getting to know everyone. Zayn had hooked up with one of the girls they’d met the day before at KFC, the name was a distant memory in Louis’s mind. He knew it’d come back to him when Zayn would speak of his eventful night the next morning. Liam started off being the one fretting about at the start of the night, keeping everything clean until Niall pulled him away and got alcohol in his system. It probably wasn’t best, at the time – one of Liam’s kidneys supposedly didn’t work – but that wouldn’t stop Niall from getting Liam drunk.

Then there was Louis, who had finally cleaned up the vomit on the bathroom floor. To be honest, Louis had left Harry with the bottle of Vodka he had got for the both of them, and that was well gone two hours ago. So Louis hadn’t been intoxicated at all. But that’s what he was about to do. Get very drunk.

Slipping and sliding through the crowd of people down the stairs, Louis finally made it back down to the kitchen, fetching himself a bottle of cider. Looks like he was left with the shitty alcohol. He didn’t quite mind though.  
  
As he looked around through the familiar faces, none of the boys were to be seen. Louis frowned and pushed through a few people, while being knocked into someone else. He whipped his head around, and noticed a young blonde girl with her drink all poured over her dress, _thank god it was black_ , Louis thought.  
  
He gently pulled her away, “Jesus, I’m so sorry babe. I totally didn’t see you!”   
She slightly giggled, and Louis wasn’t quite sure if she was drunk or not because he’d never seen or heard her speak, “No, no you’re right.”   
  
“Here,” Louis spoke as he took her wrist, “I’ll help you get cleaned up.”   
The blonde petite girl nodded, and Louis brought her into Harry’s mums’ bathroom where no one was roaming about. He sat her down on the toilet seat, and grabbed a few paper towels, wetting them and softly dabbing her. There were a few moments of silence before the girl spoke, “I’m Ellis by the way.”   
  
Louis looked, completely oblivious up at Ellis until he realised he hadn’t yet introduced himself, “Oh,” he laughed, slightly embarrassed, “I think I’m making a real shit first impression. First spilling your drink on you then not introducing myself, I’m Louis. Louis Tomlinson.”   
  
Suddenly a wide grin formed across Ellis’s face, leaving Louis confused, “Ah the fifth band member of One Direction,” she smiled as she took Louis’s hand away from her stomach and place the paper towels on the basin, “I’m Harry’s best friend. You know he was worrying you wouldn’t turn up tonight.”  
  
Louis raised his eyebrow as he sat himself on the bathroom floor and leant against the wall, picking up his cider and taking a sip, “Really now?”   
  
Ellis nodded, half smiling, “Seems he’s real protective over you too. He told me you ended it with your ex, how’d that go down?”  
  
“Oh yeah, and how can you justify that?” he then shrugged, “And you don’t even want to know, love. Let’s just say I’m happy about ending that.”  
   
“Well, I have been his best friend for a good three years. I know what he’s like. He finds someone who’s important to him and then,” Ellis clapped her hands together, “Just like that you have this special place in his heart, and when you’re hurt he’s hurt.”   
  
Louis nodded, watching Ellis and giving her the raised eyebrows, “Seems you’ve got a lot of experience with it then.”   
  
Laughing quietly, “I wish I did. He’s not protective over me because he knows I can handle my own situations. But I can just watch him and instantly pick out who’s Harry’s little special person. And by the sounds of the way he was talking about you earlier on, you’re surely one of them.”  
   
There wasn’t really much Louis could say, as his smile was stopping him from the words wanting to come out. It felt nice that he had a friend who cared about him so much.   
  
“So usually there’s a gay member in a boy band, like NSYNC. You the gay one or?” Ellis asked, with a smug look as she interrupted Louis’ thoughts.   
  
He laughed, and shook his head, “Sadly, none of us are gay.”  
  
“What a shame, you’d make a cute gay guy.”

After another half hour chat with Ellis about everything on the outside, inside and between about each other, they’d found themselves back downstairs with everyone else. Slowly, everyone found out that Louis was in fact, the fifth member of their band. He didn’t really drink that much either, he was finding that alcohol wasn’t a good distraction from the earlier events of the day; it would’ve made things worse.   
  
So instead, he got to know Harry’s friends that weren’t too wasted to hold a conversation. Everyone was sweet, and Louis felt comfortable being around all these people. As the night proceeded, Harry came into his sight, making his way over to Louis who was propped on the couch. Louis watched in amusement as Harry happily stumbled over and squished himself between Louis and a friend of his. He reeked of alcohol and cologne, but Louis didn’t complain.   
  
“You drinking that?” Harry slurred as he let out his dimple smile to Louis and looked down at his half-drunk cider.   
  
Louis shook his head, “Not at all mate. Take it.” He handed the drink towards Harry.   
  
“Cider?” he laughed clumsily, “That’s shit. Get on the real stuff.”   
  
Louis half smiled, as he cupped his own face in his hands and looked down at Harry who was at the time shorter than him, “That’s what you should be drinking. Not straight vodka, you’re not 18 yet twat.”   
  
“Hey, hey Lou slow down there. Who bought the bottle for us both?”  
   
“Well,” Louis laughed, “Honestly thought you’d forget about that.”  
  
Harry shook his head and tapped his forehead, “Good memory pal.” Harry took another look at Louis, frowning, “Still beaten up about the whole Hannah and Stan thing, huh?”   
  
The two names, sent a piercing through Louis’s chest, and he sighed, “Yeah, but I’d rather not talk about it.”  
  
Before he Louis could let Harry get another word in about what he knew was going to be about Stan and Hannah, he noticed Zayn who noticed him and flicked him a nod towards the backyard. Louis looked back at Harry, “Hey, I’ll be back in a bit. You keep out of trouble.”  
  
Following Zayn out onto the patio of the backyard, Louis didn’t speak. He breathed in the fresh air of the late night and pulled a garden chair up as Zayn stood and lit his cigarette, “So you’re not just a casual smoker, but a social smoker too.”   
  
Zayn lightly laughed at Louis’s comment and shrugged, “To be honest, I don’t really like smoking around others. Just releases stress, and it’s hard for me to quit.”   
  
Louis watched Zayn inhale the smoke, “So you’re stressed right now?”   
  
He half-nodded and half-shook his head, “Yes and no. Stressed about the whole X Factor thing and just craving one real bad.”  
  
With a huff, Louis spoke, “17 and you’re finding it hard to quit? That’s not good man.”   
  
Again, Zayn shrugged, “Started when I was 15, kind of hard not to.”   
  
Zayn had to give his friend a point for the numerous questions he liked to ask – not that Zayn complained about that at all – he liked it when questions were thrown at him. Especially ones that weren’t regularly asked.   
  
As the both of them continued to chat, they heard the back slide door swing open and turned to see Niall freaking out. Zayn pulled his eyebrows together in confusion and Louis turned to Niall, “Mate,” Zayn started as put out his cigarette, “What’s wrong?”  
  
Niall squint his eyes and as they adjusted he saw both his friends standing before him, “Thank fuck I found you guys. Harry’s just been sick in the living room, and everyone’s just kind of surrounding him while Liam’s trying to clean up. Help?”   
  
Zayn let out a little cackle, “You’re both useless.”   
  
Instantly, Louis begun to worry about Harry – and it was so very strange as the feeling of worry towards his friend approached – and picked himself off the seat, almost jogging into the house where everyone was surrounding poor Harry on the floor with his hands wrapped around his waist.   
  
“Right you lot,” Louis spoke as he lifted Harry up, “There’s nothing to see. Just get on with your night, yeah?”   
  
Everyone after a few moments did as Louis said, and he lifted Harry’s arm around him, “Let’s get you some fresh air, shall we?”   
  
Harry looked up, his pale face searching Louis’s, “The park.”   
  
“The park?” Louis asked back in confusion.  
  
“Yeah, the park,” Harry mumbled, “Right near here with a lake and stuff.”

It took a good ten minutes to get to the park with Harry being sick two more times. He surrendered into walking and hopped on Louis’s back, “You know,” Louis started as he trailed along with Harry on his back, into the park, “One day you’re going to be taller and stronger than me and you’ll be doing this for me.”   
  
There wasn’t a laugh, just a quiet mumble from Harry, “That I can live with.”   
  
After a few more minutes with Harry on his back, Louis became puffed out and decided to sit them both just by a little lake. He placed Harry down on his back, and he rested his hands on his lower stomach.   
  
Louis sat, watching the park and listening to the little bugs that flickered through the night and the croaks of frogs, “How you feeling?”  
  
Harry hummed, “Much better.”  
  
“This place is nice here.” Louis spoke as he continued admiring his surroundings.   
  
Harry nodded to himself then laughed, “Yeah. I did something stupid here a couple months back.”  
  
Louis turned to Harry while rolling his eyes, “Go on, tell.”   
  
Harry looked up at the clear sky, and with his fingers, he covered as many stars as he could and spoke, “I liked this girl, right?” Louis nodded as he listened, “Her name was Ashley. Not too sure if she’s there tonight. Anyways, I think I liked her a bit too much then I should’ve and talked myself up a lot about the way she felt. So I asked her to go on a “date”,” he laughed to himself in embarrassment, “And she said yes and then I told her to meet me here. She agreed and stuff, I was so pleased with myself. Set up a little blanket right here actually, with cheese and crackers, I got one of my friends to ask what her favourite cheese was but thankfully she didn’t have a favourite, don’t even think she liked cheese. Anyways, I had candles and stuff set up,” Louis watched the fresh looking patch of green grass and pictured Harry’s story in his mind, “I waited probably a good two hours.”   
  
When Harry stopped talking, Louis faced him, “And? This isn’t going to end well is it?”   
  
Harry shook his head, “Two hours passed and she called saying she actually had a gathering to attend. Want to know what happened after that?” Louis nodded, and Harry went on, “I just kind of sat here for a few hours crying, until I kicked everything into the river. Even the cheese. Mum was pissed because she said she could’ve used it for pasta, I didn’t care, my date had just blew me off.”   
  
Louis smiled down at Harry and shook his head in disbelief, “Such a soft cock.”   
  
Harry sat up, glaring at Louis, “You’re going to wish you didn’t say that!” and before Louis could speak, he was being pinned down by Harry who was now throwing soft punches as he still wasn’t capable of being rough. But even if he was sober, he wouldn’t have been able to hit Louis hard.   
  
Louis however, already knew Harry’s weak spot, raising his hands to Harry’s sweaty armpits, he tickled him and he begun to giggle. That continued to happen for a few more minutes, punching and tickling until they both ran out of breath and energy.   
It took them quite a while to realise how close they were from each other.  
  
Just like the day before, where Louis had fallen and as Harry helped him up, there was this awful sensation in Louis’s stomach to… Kiss Harry. It came back again, and Louis was beginning to think that yes, maybe he actually had too much to drink as he was thinking of actually  _kissing_  his best friend.    
  
There now, was silence held between the both of them. Harry watched down on Louis, like he was somehow taking in his facial features, or this new beautiful creature he’d discovered. He wasn’t sure what the hell was going on, and either was Louis. He fluttered his eyelashes as he breathed deeply. And in that moment, Louis felt a set of warm lips placed upon his. Louis blinked, about ten times when Harry didn’t remove his lips,  _what the fuck are you doing Louis? Kiss him the fuck back._ And so he did, he pushed his lips against Harry’s and suddenly, his stomach was tied in knots.

He knew what happened that night, so did Harry. But they weren’t sure at that moment why it happened. 


	5. welcome home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't updated in so long and I am so sorry! I got caught up in my exams and major writers block urggggh :( but here's the next chapter and hopefully I can get back into the hang of things x

 

After their show in Manchester all five boys had a two week break, allowing them all to go home to their families and friends in their little towns. This also meant that Harry himself could find some time to clear his head, and what better woman than his own mother to help him figure things out.

Awful to begin with, was an understatement when it came to what Harry felt from the previous night before when things with Louis once again unfolded. His mind was a complete blur that night, from his queasy nerves before the show, knowing he had to go out their and plaster on a smile for hundreds of thousands of people, to watching Louis with her. It was all a mess, and Harry knew himself that taking his anger out on Louis was never any good - but he had to feel, Harry had to know it was all still there, because after all, it had been months without feeling Louis' itching touch crawl under his skin. Louis hadn't looked at him in admiration or excitement for months either, it was all fading away and Harry had, needed to remind Louis what they were. 

But when he had realised that underneath him, Louis was hurting, physically and emotionally; he knew he wasn't the only one. Harry wasn't the only one suffering pain and heartache. Harry knew it wasn't the feeling of Louis' cock inside him that he wanted, it was to feel at home again with the one person he has only truly fallen in love with.

And Harry wasn't the only one that felt that way.  

**2010**

“I’ve got it!” 

Niall stopped strumming halfway through a song, feeling irritated that he got interrupted while trying to perfect the notes, “Got what?”   
  
“One Direction!” Harry buzzed again and with eyebrows pulled together, Zayn questioned, “One what?”  
  
“One Direction,” Harry repeated, “Because we’re all only wanting to head one way up, and it’s to the top, right?”   
  
All of the boys looked at one another, while Liam grinned, “I love it,” while the rest of them nodded in agreement. Harry was more than pleased with himself. If it wasn’t for his creative side, then the boys would’ve been heading nowhere with the name. Two hours into thinking, and it finally happened.   
  
“Hi, we’re One Direction,” Louis spoke aloud, “Yep. It’s working for me.”   
  
Niall jumped up, “Shit yes lads, we’ve got a name for the band!”

 

 **7.45 PM – KFC,** **Ellesmere Port, Cheshire West and Chester, United Kingdom.**

37 minutes, felt like hours and hours on the M6 just to make it all the way to KFC. With Louis being the only one who was legal, and actually had his license he had no choice to drive them all the way. He didn’t mind at all though, because he was damn starving. Harry’s parents were out with his sister, Gemma and her new boyfriend so there was no Anne cooking tonight, they’d be paying out of their own debts and having shitty chicken. But shitty chicken was always good.   
  
“Right you lot, we’re here.” There was almost a sigh of relief from all of the boys as the car came to a stop, from Niall especially, he’d been complaining since the moment they’d got in the car that he was hungry.  
  
The weather was nice this evening, a slight breeze, and humid air. It was perfect weather for a summer evening in England. All of them made their way into the store, it wasn’t busy but enough people were filled in for there to be small talk. Louis took in this moment, because he knew if things got bigger for himself and the boys, everyone would know who they were and they’d get stopped everywhere.  
  
Niall was first to order, leaning on the counter while swinging his legs back and forth, “Yeah, I’ll get a large Zinger Burger thanks! Oh…And, I’ll also grab a Twister!” the young girl behind the register nodded fast, almost surprised at how much the young boy had ordered for himself and locked it into the machine.   
  
“Oi mate, we’ve only got so much money. Chill it yeah?” Zayn said, giving Niall a kick down from the counter.   
  
“I’m a hungry bloke. And when I’m hungry, I get moody. Make a choice Zayn,” Niall laughed walking off and finding a table for them all.   
  
“Just a curious question,” Liam asked with a mouthful of his meal, “How well do you think we’ll go? Like do you think people will actually like us…And like vote for us?”   
  
Harry shrugged, he wasn’t sure at all what was going to happen to the five of them, and for a while today, he didn’t really think of it. He was just enjoying their company. They really understood each other and got on so well. It was crazy really, even his friends he’d met before the four of them weren’t as interesting and similar, “I think we’ll do pretty good. I mean, we’re a boy band, and those things are back in aren’t they? Plus, we actually have to make it past the judge’s house.”   
  
Zayn laughed, “Guess so. I reckon we seem like a bunch of likeable lads. And think of it this way, more chicks.”   
  
“That’s true. But Tommo here is taken, so he’s out of the game, aren’t you buddy?”   
  
Louis' eyes darted over at Niall, rolling his eyes in annoyance. It was true. He was taken, and while he was happy with Hannah, almost a perfect match, there was something in him that didn’t want it anymore. It wasn’t that he didn’t love her, because god, the day three years ago that they met; she was the most beautiful girl he’d ever laid eyes on. But he knew his life was going in a different direction to her, literally. Hannah was studying to become a teacher and Louis, on the other hand was just about to become a contestant on the X Factor hoping to get somewhere. He’d be all over the place, and they’d be split up too much to Louis’ likings. He was holding the break up off for a long time, seeing through things. But he knew Hannah felt the exact same way.  
  
Just as Louis was about to speak, Harry did the talking for him, “So what? Football has a goalie, doesn’t mean you can’t score, right Lou?” Louis turned to Harry and let out a little laugh, he really was one for terrible jokes. That was going to earn a hit in the balls later.  
   
“Exactly,” Zayn agreed, tossing his head over to his left as he saw three girls around the boys age making their way into the store, “That’s why we’re about to score.”   
The rest of the boys, including Louis, turned their head to see three Blonde girls giggling, as they too had noticed the five boys.  
  
“Looks like I’m going to get seconds!” Niall chirped. Harry also followed, “I’m in too Niall.”   
  
“Hey, do us a favour yeah?” Zayn asked them both, “Ask them to come sit with us!” Both Harry and Niall nodded, making their way to the counter to greet the girls, “Looks like you two are without one tonight!” Louis rolled his eyes and Liam shrugged as Zayn spoke. Both of them weren’t that interested on the three girls. Way below their standards with their miniskirts and low cut shirts. Louis was too focussed on Hannah now, ever since Niall brought her up. It was driving him insane.

After a few short moments, the three of the girls came and joined the boys on their table, “Boys,” Harry spoke, pulling out a chair for the first girl, “This is Emily, Amanda and Nicole.”   
  
All three of them smiled, and sat. They seemed like lovely girls, and it turned out they had some sort of knowledge to Louis’s surprise. It was only a short matter of time, which he realised Harry had really grown fond of one, Emily. She was learning politics at school while maintaining her own party life at 17. Harry couldn’t take his eyes off of her, and even had his chair tilted away from Louis, making it obvious that his back was towards him. For some odd reason, it pissed Louis off a bit more than it should've. Maybe this was something about Harry that Louis was yet to learn; as soon as he saw a girl, his mates meant sod all to him. Louis was bored, because even Liam was endorsed in conversation with Zayn and Amanda.    
  
“I’m just going to pop outside and call Han, be back in a bit guys,” without even caring if he’d get a response from his almost hypnotised friends, he made his way out the front of the restaurant, to the car and leaned on the bonnet. It was already dark out, and the air had dropped to a cool in short space of time, so Louis shivered and pulled his denim jacket over himself more tightly as he grabbed his phone out to call Hannah.  
  
As quickly as it rang out, Hannah’s soft voice answered, “Lou?” as soon as she answered, Louis heard loud music and loud voices, “Yeah, hey Han.”   
  
“Wait a sec, let me just head out on to the balcony,” Louis waited a few moments, “Alright. It’s all quiet now. Why’re you calling baby? Thought you’d be hanging out with the boys at Harry's bunker.”  
  
Louis sighed softly, breathing out his own fog into the air, “Uh, they’ve all got their own company. Just wanted to call… Let you know I miss you.”   
  
He wasn’t sure whether Hannah was smiling, or feeling sorry for him through the other line, “I miss you too Lou,” and he wasn’t sure if she was being genuine either.  
  
“Where are you?” Louis snapped, he was surprised at how abrupt he became towards her.  
  
“I’m at Stan’s gathering,” she softly spoke.   
  
“Oh.”  
  
“What?”   
  
“Nothing.”  
   
“What’s wrong with you Louis?” She questioned, this time more offended than concerned.   
  
“Nothing Hannah. You just go have your fun. Let Stan know I said hi.”   
  
“Jesus. Love you  _too_  Louis.” And just like that, the phone was disconnected. He had no idea what the hell had just gotten over him during that phone call. It was like suddenly, he’d become jealous or annoyed that she was out without him. But then he remembered, she never really cared if he wanted her going out on her own or not. She’d just do it. Louis squeezed his eyes shut in frustration, becoming mad at himself, he knew Stan would look after her.   
  
“Hey,” a soft voice spoke, Louis looked up to see Harry standing by his side, hands in his pockets and Louis’s purple beanie fitted perfectly on his head. It was like he appeared out of nowhere, “Came to check up on you, you’ve taken almost ten minutes. Everything good?”   
  
He watched Harry join him against the bonnet of the car, “I’m…” Louis sighed to himself, “Fine.”   
  
Harry frowned and Louis noticed the way the muscles of his eyebrows knitted together in concern as he studied his friends face a little harder, “That wasn’t reassuring. Did you and Hannah get into a fight or something?”   
  
Louis pressed his lips together and leaned his head back, “It’s just… Everything’s changing. And so are her and I. I was so awful to her on the phone just then. I got jealous over nothing and I’m beginning to think that if I stay with her through all that’s happening around me I won’t be able to trust her.”   
  
Harry suddenly wrapped his left arm around Louis’s exposed neck and pulled him under his shoulder, “I’m 16 Lou, and I’m not very experienced in relationships. But if you think trusting Hannah is going to be a problem, then doesn’t that make you see that things need to end? For the best?”   
  
Louis thought about what Harry had said for much longer than he should’ve, as he already felt comfortable under Harry’s wing, “Yeah,” Louis spoke, “You’re right I guess.”   
  
Smiling lightly, Harry grabbed Louis and pulled him into a hug, “But you know what? You’re going to be okay. You shouldn’t need to worry about something so small like that. Amazing things are going to happen to us two, and the rest of the lads. So cheer up, yeah?”   
  
Louis nodded into the Harry’s chest, “Now let’s get home and get some sleep.”   
  
Finally, they were on their journey back home, pumping tunes that Niall classified as swag, like Snoop Dogg were being pulled through the cars speakers, and all the windows were down. Three dickheads in the back and another dickhead in the front were giving Louis all the reason to worry about crashing with their awful dances moves and fist pumps.   
  
“Oi!” Harry almost screamed, “Turn it down! Emily’s calling me!”   
  
“Emily?!” Niall screamed, “The one you just met in there?! You got her number?! What the hell! I never got Nicole’s number! You're on a fuckin' roll with the ladies mate!”  
   
“Yes, Emily! Now shut up!” Louis reached down for the volume as Harry answered the phone, “Hello,” he spoke as the rest of the boys listened while Louis was trying his best to keep his eyes on the road, “Oh, nothing… Well actually, I was throwing a party at my place tomorrow night.”   
  
Liam pulled his eyebrows together, “You never mentioned a party tomorrow night Harry?” Harry punched Liam’s lower leg, “And we were wondering if you’d want to bring a few of your friends?” You could hear an excited Niall and Zayn high-five each other in success.  
  
“Great,” Harry smiled, “See you at six tomorrow then,” As Harry hung up, he had a smug look upon his face, “I’ll be getting mum and Robin to stay at Gemma’s tomorrow night then lads.”  
  
“Yeah,” Louis scoffed, “That’s if she trusts you.”  
   
“Hey!” Harry hit Louis on the side of his arm, “I’m a very good son in her eyes.”   
“ _In her eyes,”_ Zayn repeated with a laugh.   


**11.56pm – Back at the Styles residence.**

By almost midnight, Harry had invited half of his year and a few from the above to this “gathering” the boys were hosting tomorrow night over Facebook. For Harry, it was a good thing because he was seeing all his friends for probably the last time in a while and he wanted to have a fun night. It was also good but nerve wracking for Louis, Liam, Zayn and Niall as they had to meet new people. But that wouldn’t be much of a problem as they were all social buds themselves. It was told for each of the guests to bring as many pints as they’d like, while the five of them knew they’d be cleaning the mess up after.   
  
“I’m so bloody tired,” Niall spoke as he stretched out his yawn, and slipped his shirt off.  
  
“I can second that mate,” Liam too said as he pulled himself into the sheets of his mattress.  
  
Zayn had already passed out on the bed Louis was sharing with him, which left Harry to sleep on his own. This also meant, sleeping with completely nothing on. As Harry was pulling himself into bed, he noticed Louis had been too quiet since they arrived home, Harry sat by his mattress, “Hey, you alright?”   
  
Louis fluttered his feminine eyelashes up at Harry and softly nodded, “Yeah, just tired.”   
  
Harry knew there wasn’t something right going on with Louis; he knew it had to do with Hannah, “If you’re not feeling to good later on in the night, you’re more than welcome to come sleep with me.”   
  
Louis laughed, “While you’re naked? I’ll pass on that mate. Thanks for the offer though.”   
  
Harry pulled himself up, “Alright. At least I offered,” He messed Louis’s hair up and made his way back to his bed, “Night Lou.”   
“Night Haz.”   
  
No more than ten minutes passed and Louis was getting sick of the snores in his ears from Zayn and too much was on his mind. With a huff, he picked himself up and slipped himself into Harry’s bed, pushing away the fact that Harry was completely naked. He pulled the sheet up to his shoulders, and suddenly felt a strong arm around him, “Changed your mind I see?” Louis said nothing but chuckled and let his eyes shut, suddenly, with Louis, Harry felt at  _home._

**2014**

Harry swallowed hard at the sight before him, a little room that smelt damp from the morning's previous rain and he could remember so vaguely the events of that night, all five of them snuggling close to each other while wriggling in excitement about a house party they were set to have and organised themselves. Harry also remembered thinking to himself that he'd get to see his new band mates in their altered state of consciousness, something he was looking forward to. But one thing that he could never forget, was how warm Louis was against his skin and how well they fit together. 

He slumped to the cold, wooden floor of the bunker, expecting to feel a soft, comfortable mattress. He sighed again, until his mind went racing, and before he knew it, he was dialling Liam's number as fast as his fingers could go.   


"Harry? You okay?" 

"Yeah, I'm fine. All good. Hey listen, I have an idea." 

 


	6. it's going to take the stars to convince you

__ _ “ My heart is yours, it’s you that I hold on to.   
That’s what I do.   
And I know I was wrong, but I won’t let you down.  
I saw sparks _ . __ ”

 

-

**2010: 7.45AM – The bungalow of the Styles resident. North West of England (morning of the party)**

Harry felt cold when he woke, an uncomfortable cold as well. He pulled the blankets over himself and searched for Louis’ arms that’d been wrapped around his as they both slept together through the night and they weren’t there. It was strange how quickly he panicked.  
  
Pulling his body up above the blankets, he stared around the room to see if Louis had snuck off into one of the boys beds instead. Still no Louis. He had to be in the house with his mum, where else would he go when he didn’t know this town as well as Harry did? Out of all the boys, Louis was the first to get along with Harry’s mum ever so quickly. Maybe aside from the fact Louis thought she was “proper fit”  – whatever Louis’s definitions meant, he was already becoming a second son to Anne – whether that made Harry jealous or not, it didn’t bother his mum or Louis, and to come to think of it, it didn’t really bother Harry either.

Thinking it was best to put some clothes on before making his way into the house, he rummaged through the jumpers and trousers he’d brought into the bungalow with him and chucked on whatever looked comfiest. It was raining today, so there was a hood needed on the jumper. Harry’s toes seeped through the wet grass and raindrops splattered against his curls, causing shivers to run down his spine.  
  
He made his way into the house, and saw his cat Dusty, propped against the kitchen bench, sipping on some milk then looking up towards Harry and “meowing.” Suddenly it occurred to Harry, the house was eerily silent, with only the TV down low on volume. If Louis was with Harry’s mum, there would’ve been conversation; because that was Louis. He wouldn’t stop talking.  
  
As Harry quietly walked into the living room, all he saw was his mum spread across the couch in her favourite pearl white dressing gown. Harry became slightly disappointed, “Mum?”   
  
Anne jumped at the voice of her son but looked up to Harry, “Yes baby?”   
  
Still not moving from the doorway of the living room, Harry hesitated with his words, “Where’s Louis?”  
  
“He didn’t tell you?”  
  
Harry frowned, “Tell me what?”   
  
Anne sat up, grabbing her tea from the floor and slipping back into the kitchen while Harry followed, “He’s gone back to Doncaster for a few hours.”  
   
“What? Why?”   
  
“He didn’t tell me why. He said he had some business to do and I’m sure it must be important if he’s driven almost two hours back home.” 

Harry became frantic, running his fingers through his hair, “Well he must’ve given you some clue! Has anything happened to his family? Are his sisters okay?” 

“Darling,” Anne placed a hand on Harry’s shoulder, rubbing her thumb reassuringly, “I asked him if everything was okay and he promised it was. Now just get back to the bungalow with the boys and relax before getting ready for the party tonight. He’ll be back before eight.”   
  
Sighing, Harry finally gave in to panicking to his mum. She had her ways of not letting Harry stress out so much. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t. In this case, it was fifty-fifty.

“What do you mean he’s gone?” Niall asked – although he didn’t seem as worried as Harry was because his eyes were locked to the screen and his hands gripped tightly on the Xbox controller.   
  
“I mean, he’s taken the car – the car we need to get drinks for tonight and just completely taken off back home.” Harry said, kicking the back of Niall to get his attention.   
  
“Do you think he’ll come back?” Liam asked biting his nails. He was the one for worry; all he did on a daily basis was worry. From petty little things, like plugs not being switched off and taken out of the wall or the Tele not being turned off. But this time it seemed he had a pretty legitimate reason to worry.  
  
“Don’t be daft Liam, of course he’s going to come back. He can’t just leave like that without telling us.” Zayn joined in, pulling his packet of Marlboro cigarettes out of his pocket.  
  
“Never know boys,” Niall joined in as he paused the game, “Could’ve got sick of boys and left the band because of Zayn’s loud snores.” Niall was trying to have a little banter, but the rest of the boys didn’t seem to take it quite well.   
  
“Shut up would you Niall?” Liam cussed as he tossed a pillow towards Niall, “That’s not funny.”   
  
“Well I thought it was.”   
  
Zayn rolled his eyes while Harry yelled over the top of them both, “Can we just stop pissing about?! I want to know why he left, and why he didn’t tell us.”   
  
All three boys before Harry watched him, and Zayn broke out into a soft laugh, “Chill out Harry. You’re not his bloody boyfriend. He’s eighteen; he can take care of himself.”   
  
It shouldn’t have made Harry so defensive and angry – Zayn’s comment – But it did, “Sorry for being so concerned about our mate. I’ll do my own honour of fucking off.”

Harry sat against the cold stoned side wall of his house, while picking strands of grass up around him and tossing them around. He didn’t know why it was such a big deal to worry about Louis, he was sure it would’ve been the same if it were Liam, Zayn or Niall to just disappear without telling anyone. He didn’t need this right now, not when he was meant to be having a good time tonight.  
  
Just as Harry was about to head back to the bungalow and apologise for his childish actions, he was stopped as he smelt the fresh smell of burning chemicals. It was Zayn, propped up against the wall smoking, just around the corner from him. Harry never knew Zayn smoked, and this was probably the first time he’d seen him. He kept quiet as he heard Zayn dial in a few numbers on his phone. After a few seconds of waiting for the phone to ring out, there was a response, “Yeah, hey Lou. It’s Zayn.”

**8.10AM - Doncaster, South Yorkshire, Sheffield Road.**

Louis was parked out the front of Hannah’s family home as Zayn called him; he knew that it would be the boys worrying about him. But he wasn’t going to cause a bigger fuss waking them all up and letting them know he was going all the way back home to break up with his girlfriend. It was silly; but this whole relationship ending situation had been bothering him all night last night as Niall brought her up. He wish he hadn’t of, because at that moment she was pushed so far to the back of Louis’s head – and now, here he was, about to end three years of everything they’ve shared.  
  
“Hello?” Louis answered as he pressed his finger against the green button of his phone.   
  
“Yeah, hey Lou. It’s Zayn.” He replied ever so coyly. That was the thing with Zayn. Whatever situation or problem he was having, he was just calm, cool and collected about the whole thing.  
  
“Oh hey man,” Louis spoke, while peering into Hannah’s room, wondering if it was too early.   
  
“Where are you?”   
  
“Me?” He asked distracted, “Oh, I’m back in Doncaster.”  
   
“I know you’re back in Doncaster,” Zayn chuckled softly, “But what are you doing back home? We’re all sort of worried about you. Well that’s a fact when it comes to Harry, he almost had a meltdown.”   
  
Louis heart sort of dropped when Zayn told how worried Harry was. He should’ve at least told Harry where he was going and what he was doing; but he looked so peaceful when he slept – every time he took a deep breath in his sleep, there was one curl that gently flicked up, and not to mention the squished dimples as he lay against his pillow – Louis frowned at his own thoughts, and slapped himself over the head. He really had to stop with these thoughts about his friend. It wasn’t cool.   
  
“I’m just…” Louis took another look towards Hannah’s, “Doing something I should’ve done a while ago. I will literally three hours, maybe a little more. And then I’ll be back, okay? Tell Harry not to be such a bitch and chill out. I’m completely fine. Haven’t been attacked or slaughtered… Yet.”   
  
With that, Zayn laughed again, “Alright. Will do. I’ll leave you to your business. Oh and since you took the car, stop by and get us lads some drinks for tonight will you?”  
  
“Sure thing. Vodka on the house. My shout.”   
  
The rain had stopped falling when Louis arrived to Doncaster but as he opened the car door, the air was completely freezing. He zipped up his jacket all the way to the top, while throwing the hoodie over his head, and rang the doorbell.  
  
He was expecting to see Hannah’s mum opening the door and happily greeting him. But this time, it was a different story. It was Stan, his best friend that had opened the door.  
  
In nothing but his boxer briefs on and Louis had to give him it; he was hungover as fuck. It seemed that Stan too was shocked, and struggled to speak, “Louis.. Man. Hey. Wh-what’re you doing here? It’s like eight in the morning... I th-thought you were with the boys.”   
  
Louis swallowed the lump in his throat and regardless of whether Stan would let him in or not, he invited himself in, “I’m here to see Hannah. What are you doing here?”   
  
“Oh. Yeah, right,” Stan laughed nervously and fumbled on his words, “Of course, you are her boyfriend and all. And me? I’m just… Just crashed here last night.”   
  
Lies were all Louis could see written across his best mates face. And that was the one thing Louis hated. Lying.   
  
“Really? I thought you had a party last night at yours?”   
  
For quite a few moments, Stan looked confused. So that’s where Louis caught him, and the more he realised there was a secret and a lie, the more hurt could feel his chest tighten.  
   
“Hannah told you that right? She probably got caught up on her own words. She actually had a party here.”   
  
“Yeah,” Louis almost whispered, “Probably.”

There was the sound of a door opening at that point and there Hannah was, walking out of her bedroom in nothing but her underwear. No shirt. No bra. Stan’s mouth dropped, and Louis looked less than surprised. There was going to be no more lies because Louis fucking caught them.   
  
“Baby who’s-” Hannah stopped mid-sentence as she saw her actual boyfriend before her eyes, and covered her chest up, “Baby.” She weakly repeated again, this time directing it Louis. She knew she had been caught out and now they were standing in what seemed like an invisible triangle.   
  
“Had a sleepover I see?” Louis spoke through his tensed jaw. His whole body in fact, was tense. He couldn’t believe this. His own girlfriend and best friend – who he’d grown to trust both with his whole life - were shagging behind his back.  
   
“Lou… It’s not what it looks like.” Both Hannah and Stan exchanged glances, waiting for a response.  
  
It took quite a while for Louis to get his head around what was happening at this exact moment, but he finally snapped, “Oh  _Han_. It’s  _exactly_  what it looks like. Did you not think I’d find out? That you were fucking my best friend behind my back? You know how much I hate fucking hate liars. Especially those closest to me. Thank god you’ve done this though, because you’ve made it so much easier for me. We’re over Hannah. And Stan? Thank god I’ve now got four friends that won’t go behind my back and slag me off like this. You both match well together really, didn’t know why I didn’t see it earlier.”   
  
By now, Hannah was trying to hold back her tears, but failing and Stan on the other hand, was shaking – or so it looked like - and red in the face. Louis wasn’t going to say much more, so he turned his head and walked towards the door and whispering to himself in hopes both of them would hear, “You’re both going to regret what you did. Trust me.” And they did. But they could say no more as Louis shut the door behind him and took one deep breath out into the air.

When Louis was finally in his car, he sat there, staring back at the house he’d just been in; where he’d found out the truth behind the two so-called-most-important-people-in-his-life and squeezed his eyes shut while banging his hands as hard as could on the steering wheel. Fuck this, was all Louis was thinking. He was going to go back to Cheshire and be with his best friends and live his fucking life how he wanted, with who he wanted. And he sure as hell wasn’t going to be held back by it. No way.

But first, he was going to see his mum and the girls.

**8.30PM – Back at Harry’s place, Cheshire, North West of England.**

If Harry said he was having the night of his life, he'd be lying. He’d said hello to Emily and the rest of the girls he’d met last night, but he left the boys to go off and flirt miraculously with them. He too said hello to all of his friends, his best friend Ellis too. She’d promised that later on in the night, they’d have a catch up, because Harry mentioned he just wasn’t feeling himself tonight. And he knew why. He knew exactly why. It was Louis. He’d promised not just Harry himself, but the boys too he’d be back from eight o’clock. Half an hour later and Harry was sat out the front of his house, with three beers down, waiting for his friend. He was worried, but he knew he’d look like a twat if he waited any longer for Louis who probably wasn’t going to be back until tomorrow morning.  
  
A few more minutes, Harry promised, and then he’ll arrive. And was just like that; Harry’s wish or command had been granted. Pulling up in the little Volkswagen that he owned, was Louis. Harry couldn’t yet make out that it was him, but he knew from the car. And he was right. It was Louis.

As soon as Louis noticed Harry waiting against the front fence of his house in his tightly pulled jeans and a fluffy Orange jumper that didn’t quite match him, a smile suddenly appeared on Louis’s face. First time today he probably smiled. Well maybe he smiled around his mum and his sisters, but it wasn’t quite genuine enough. This time it was though.   
  
“Half an hour late.” Harry spoke, sipping on the last remainders of his beer and watching Louis make his way towards him.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Louis leaned against the fence with him, “But, I can make it up to you.”   
  
Harry raised his eyebrows, “Is that so?”   
  
Louis nodded, pulling up a bottle of Vodka in front of Harry. He smiled at Louis through the clear glass liquid bottle, “Alright. Guess I can forgive you. But just don’t ever do that again, okay?”   
  
Nodding again, Louis spoke, “I won’t. Want to know why I went there?”   
  
Harry snatched the bottle of Vodka off Louis and twisted the cap off, “Well, yeah actually I do. That’s what I’ve been wondering all day. Apart from you completely making me go insane.”  
  
Louis chuckled as he watched Harry down as much as could of the Vodka – which was less than a pinch - and squeezing his eyes shut in pain as it burned his throat.   
  
“Okay, firstly, pass me that,” Harry handed the bottle over to Louis as he begun to spoke, “Went to go break things off with Hannah.”  
Harry stared wide-eyed.  
  
“Well, after what you said, I thought it was best to end things before things begin to get crazy. Ans turns out I never even should’ve trusted her in the first place.” Louis took a swig of Vodka.  
  
“What do you mean  _in the first place?_ ” Harry questioned.   
  
“Stan, my best mate, answered her front door and he was almost naked and as Hannah came out of her room, she was also half naked too. Tits out and everything. They tried hiding out the fact she was cheating on me. I could see right through them. And that’s one thing I hate, you know that Harry? Lying. Can’t fucking stand it.”   
  
Harry could see the pain and sadness in his friends’ eyes, and honestly, he wanted to reach over and hug him, maybe even kiss him, “Harsh. But you know, I won’t ever lie to you Louis. So that’s why I was telling you the truth about Hannah last night. And as for Stan, he sounds like a fucking knobhead.”  
  
Louis couldn’t help but smile and maybe even blush as Harry spoke. The weird part was, was that Louis believed Harry when he said he’d never lie to him.   
  
Silence had fallen over them both, and it felt that if Louis didn’t break the ice, they’d be so close to each other that they’d be kissing, “Alright Haz! Time to get down to business! Let’s have some fun, yeah?” 

**2014**

"Fuck sakes _Louis_ , c'mon! Don't act like this!" Zayn groaned as his hands fisted against the door of Louis' room.   
  
Louis crawled even further under the covers his bed, trying to block out any noise that could be heard, for example, Zayn's voice, "I'm not acting like anything. I don't want to go. End of." 

What was supposed to be a two week break for Louis to do nothing and stay in bed, feeling sorry for himself and possibly going back to Doncaster, had been completely rearranged and out of his control as well. Harry had called Zayn last night to invite the two of them, along with Liam and Niall back to his bungalow in Cheshire. He wasn't quite sure why Harry was doing this, and it wasn't that Louis didn't want to go, it was because of all the memories that the bungalow and his house had held and the fact that he wasn't ready to face the past just yet. 

"You can't hide in that bed for the rest of your life," Zayn spoke again, interrupting Louis' thoughts.   
  
"Yes I can, actually." 

He knew that any second Zayn would be barging open the door to drag him out of bed and down to Cheshire, so all Louis was going to do now, was pull at his strings a little longer. After all, what were friends for?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys are continuing to enjoy it! going to try and update as much as possible because i've come up with some more stuff, love you all x


	7. i'm born again every time you stay the night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since it's Christmas I thought I should update especially because for the next week or so I'm busy and don't think I'll be able to update for a little while. Thank-you so much to each and every one of you people reading this, it means so much. I would LOVE to hear what you guys actually think of it so far so that I'm not talking to myself... Haha! Like always, enjoy and have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Hope you wake up with Harry and Louis under your tree. x

"One day it’s here, and then it’s gone,   
how are you still holding on?  
You’ve felt this way for far too long, waiting for a change to come.  
Know you’re not the only one.” 

** 12 th  of December 2010 – X Factor Live Grand Final After Party. **

_  
_ To say those past couple of months were all a waste would’ve been senseless. With coming third, on the show, the five boys were mostly uncertain of what was to come next. But what they were all certain about was that they would stay together as One Direction and work their way up as Harry had promised back at his mums’ bungalow. All five were willing to go through with that. After all, they were now the five brothers that had dreams and hopes to take over the world. But for now, it was time to celebrate.

A lot had happened since day one of X Factor being live and big in the UK. It seemed the changes had taken a big toll on all the members of the house including the boys of One Direction. It was madness, as Harry always would say on a day to day basis. Everywhere they went in England, they were suddenly noticed. Hordes of screaming girls came flying at them, and unlike others, the five of them were cool with that. It was obvious to say there was plenty female attention directed towards them all. Especially Liam, he’d found himself the back-up dancer of the show as Harry cheekily introduced them both. Zayn at the time, was interested in another contestant, her name was Rebecca, with kids too. Niall on the other hand, wasn’t too fussed about having a girlfriend; nothing for him was serious apart from his career.   
  
It was then left down to Louis and Harry. Both of them, mischievous and the double trouble of the house. Harry indeed enjoyed the female attention but hadn’t yet taken it to advantage; he wasn’t really like that either. He would say, “I don’t know, I think it’s just if I see someone I fancy then I guess I’d try. I’m still sixteen, almost seventeen. I’m not looking for anything _ serious.” _  
Yet, it seemed to everyone that Harry was secretly serious with Louis – as if to say an old married couple. It was also the same for Louis, after breaking up with his long term  _ cheating _ girlfriend; he was enjoying Harry’s company. Being sworn they were gay together a few times, both denied. They were straight, that’s how everyone was supposed to see it. No one knew about their encounter months back, not even them it seemed. But at the back of their minds, there it sat. Both of them worried that at any moment the thought that was hidden in the back of their minds would soon come back.

It was this one night however, that changed  _ everything _  for Louis and Harry. The way they looked at each other, thought of each other, spent time together. Everything was about to change.

Lights flashed as they arrived in their finest suits they’d all worn in their whole lifetime – Harry especially realising that he looked extremely dashing in his first ever Burberry suit to own himself – seeing One Direction out for celebrations was a surprise. Coming 3 rd  seemed heartbreaking to others, but to them, it was life changing and they wanted to celebrate every moment of forever from now on. They pushed themselves through the crowd and were stumbled into one of the fanciest and exclusive clubs in London, along with all of the other X Factor finalists.   
  
All five looked bedazzled as they watched the sight before them, girls, and lots of them – though Liam had his arm around his girlfriend, Danielle – letting their hair down as the grinded against each other to the familiar house music.  
  
Harry let out a smug grin towards Louis and he grinned right back at Harry. As they made their way through the crowd of celebrations, they noticed the DJ to the left and on each side of them, were girls wrapping their legs around a poll in next to nothing but a bikini.   
  
Zayn whispered closely to Niall, “My god I’m in heaven man,” Niall let out a loud cackling laugh in response, quickly grabbing a mixed drink from the tray that was being guided through the club, grabbing another for Zayn, “To us,” Niall smiled as he raised his glass to Zayn’s, while Zayn did the same and repeated with a big smile, “To us.”   
  
All of them except Louis were not close to eighteen yet, but no one was stopping them from underage drinking.  

With Zayn and Niall off mingling with the public party people of the club, the rest of the boys joined the other X Factor contestants in their private booth. It was nice to know that everyone got on with each other, their whole time on the show everyone had made friends, even off screen. There was never any clashes between a certain two people, but there was in fact, chemistry. Harry watched one of the girls he’d grown closely attracted to from across him play with her long brunette hair and fiddle with the straw in her drink, Cher Lloyd. There was _ something  _ about her. At the time he didn’t realise it was infatuation, but nevertheless he kept a close eye on her and smiled to himself. A few moments later she realised Harry watching her and she chuckled to herself and gave the curly locked boy a wink and gestured him to sit beside her and move from his spot next to Louis. Cher was confident, and her ego was much too big at sixteen – almost seventeen – but that never stopped her from getting what she wanted. Even if it wasn’t Harry she wanted. She liked playing her little games, especially with the gullible Harry.

Harry slipped from his spot next to Louis – who was engaged in conversation with Matt – and crawled in next to Cher as he fixed his hair up. She let out a sweet confident smile, “Hiya babe.” 

Smiling back, Harry spoke, “Hi love,” he looked down at Cher’s almost empty drink and took the offer up of buying her and himself a drink, “I’ll be right back,” he said as he pulled himself up and made his way to the bar.

“What do you think of them two then?” Louis snapped his head back to Matt as he watched Harry interact with Cher in his flirtatious ways, “Hm?” Louis questioned as he took a swig of his drink.  
  
“Harry and his little 'Cher Bear' over there.”   
  
Harry got up and headed to the bar and Louis scoffed, “Don’t understand why he’s gone for her really,” Louis quietly spoke, trying to make sure Cher herself didn’t hear him bad mouth her off, “She’s got the worst attitude and I see trouble when I look at her. I’ve told Harry that.”   
  
Matt laughed, “I’m on the same page as you mate. They’re both young but. They’ll mess about and won’t be anything serious. Nothing for you to worry about.”   
  
Worry about? Why in the hell would I worry?   
   
“And why would that worry me?”   
  
“Ah, I don’t know,” he raised his eyebrows as he brought the brim of his drink to his lips, “You both are like rock and water. Seems you’d be a little upset if he put her first.”

Louis rolled his eyes and shoved Matt slightly while laughing, “I’ll always be his first.”

 

** -  2 hours later   - **

 

Drunk was probably an understatement when it came to Louis, Harry, Niall, Zayn and even Liam was a little tipsy. He knew though that with the help from Danielle that he’d be carrying his best mates out the back entrance of the club in the next hour or so.

Louis couldn’t dance and that was a given fact, but he ignored that and fist pumped the whole night and worked his way with the classic robot move while everyone laughed away at his idiotic yet amusing personality. Zayn on the other hand, had hooked himself up with an unfamiliar blonde that had been roaming around the club, whilst Louis taught Niall his finest moves. Harry had also been mingling, and met a few familiar faces. His eyes however, were still close on Cher who seemed to be teasing Harry with her hands rubbing up and down her chest and thighs.

“Help me with something, yeah?” Harry yelled over the loud music to Louis, Louis drunkenly laughed, it seemed the tables had turned since the last time they were out drunk, it was little soft haired Louis who was now the drunk one, “Yeah, yeah. What is it?” he slurred.   
  
“Help me get with Cher,” Harry smiled big while Louis shifted his head to the left, looking over Harry’s shoulder and frowned. Harry watched Louis in confusion, “What is it?”   
  
“Mate, I think you’re in real bad luck,” Harry followed his gaze and turned to see someone who looked identical to Cher, snogging with what seemed like another lad, that wasn’t him. Harry had to blink a few times to realise it actually was Cher. He said nothing but breathlessly sighed and turned his back towards Louis, shoving past Cher and whoever the lad was.

Fiddling with the cap of the beer, Harry chewed on his bottom lip and look up towards the night sky. He found himself on the rooftop of the club in a secret garden, sat on the bench. He sighed to himself as air exited his plump, pink, cold lips and into the night. He felt like an idiot. He  _ really  _ liked Cher, and for a second he thought she felt the same way. 

But then he remembered exactly what smart, sarcastic Louis had said when Harry first mentioned he thought he liked her.  
  
“Remember the difference between infatuation and really liking someone. You could think of someone as a really wonderful person because of their looks or laugh or whatever suits you. But then once you get to know them, you realise that they were actually real shit people.”    
  
And he was right. He should’ve listened to Louis.

Angrily, Harry finished off the last of his beer and tossed it off into the garden bed behind him and let his face fall in his hands.   
  
“You know, it’s no good to litter pal,” a voice spoke from behind Harry, and he instantly realised it was Louis. He came and sat beside Harry down on the bench. He smelt of his new cologne he’d bought just the other day and alcohol, his hair was a mess and he was slightly sweating with his shirt buttoned halfway down. It was something Harry did subconsciously, took in all of Louis’ features, from what he wore or what he smelled like. He noticed everything Louis did.  
  
Harry though, spoke no words.   
  
“You’re in a right strop because of Cher, aren’t you?” he questioned as he rested his arm across the top of the bench.   
  
Harry looked at Louis and frowned as he felt his nostrils flare, he was upset and with Louis being drunk of course he had to be a twat.  
  
Louis raised his hand to his mouth and chuckled, “Your nostrils are doing that flare thing.”   
  
Louis being Louis, cracked a smile out of Harry and along with a laugh. And soon enough, they were found both in hysterics of laughter over nothing.    
  
The continuous giggles and chuckles eventually subsided after a few moments and silence had once fallen over them again until Harry spoke, “How sick is this view? London looks amazing.”   
  
Louis nodded, watching over the bright lights of the city, “It does. Do you know what? I want to really live here. We should get a place here.”   
  
Turning to Louis, Harry pulled his eyebrows together, “You and me?”   
  
“No. This fucking pot plant and me. Of course you, daft sod. Don’t you think that’d be nice?”   
  
Letting out another laugh, Harry nodded looking back out onto the city and imagining a little apartment for both himself and Louis, “Yeah,” he quietly spoke, “That’d be real nice.”   
  
Somewhere inside him, Harry was feeling nauseous. The same feeling he felt the night he’d kissed Louis. He’d tried his hardest for so long to push it away. But it never left.  Every night before he fell asleep, he’d fall asleep thinking of Louis. He wasn’t gay, because that wasn’t the way it was. And obviously after the events of tonight, he was in fact attracted to Cher. But there Louis was, constantly running about Harry’s mind while he would always wonder if he was on Louis’ mind at all. His lip was literally trembling, and this time Harry couldn’t stop it from all coming out.

And then it happened.    
  
“I haven’t stopped thinking about that night. The night we kissed.”

Louis turned his head slowly to Harry, watching him for a few seconds, before a little light switch lit his whole world up.

Because Louis hadn’t stopped thinking about it either. 

_ - _

_“You know when you just see someone, and you **know**  it’s them? You don’t know how, why or when this person decided to be the one. But you just know they are. I don’t really know how to put it into words this whole situation; it’s been eating me alive. I mean, he’s a boy. I’m a boy._  _Since when though was it not okay to love another boy if you’re a boy? It doesn’t make sense. You shouldn’t be frowned upon because of it. But I don’t know why I’m the one feeling that way. Maybe it’s because I’m young and experimenting as our parents would say. But it’s been going on for months now. I’ve told no one, not even Lou. I’d usually talk to Gemma about it; I can’t even do that though. It’s like, I’d take a bullet for him. I have to watch him ever so carefully when he’s off doing something idiotic. I’m so protective over him, and he just makes me happy. I’m not sure where any of this is leading in fact and I’m scared, to say the least. Because I bet Louis doesn’t even feel the same way, I bet if I told him he’d probably think I was a complete twat for liking him. A moron or something. He probably thought nothing of that kiss a few months back and that’s why I’m completely terrified.  I really don’t know what the hell to do and I feel like writing about it is the only way I can express how I really feel. Even then, you’re just a journal, you’re not a person. You can’t communicate. It’s so goddamn frustrating when all the lads know that something’s wrong but I can’t actually say it. I wish I could, I wish I could be so confident about it. But I don’t even know if they’d accept it. I mean, I think they would. But wouldn’t they think it’s weird knowing that one of their band members may fancy or even be in love with another member?  What even is love though? How do I know this? I’m so fucking confused. I’m lost. I really don’t know what to say or do. I’m even rambling as I write. – I know sitting here, watching Louis back stage that there’s something there. He’s taught me how to properly play football now, I can take a penalty but I’m still shit. He says we can work on it. He knows basically everything about me now because I can never keep my mouth shut and people think it’s so strange how close we are. And he even suggested that I move in with him. So maybe it does mean something, maybe I’m not just being my delusional self. But then again, I’m 16 years old what do I know? What will I know? I guess that’s what time is for. Because only time will tell, right? I have to go now, we’re starting our first gig for the X Factor tour, and I’m buzzing. Speak in a bit.  
Harry .xx” _

_ - _

** 2014 **

Harry had almost dropped the old journal from his hands as he heard a car horn beep and he realised the the boys, or most of them had just arrived. And Harry's heart did jump a little bit because this was a first time in a while that it was just the five of them. No fans, no cameras, no media and best yet - no management or anyone to boss them around. But that didn't always fix things, Harry also knew that. There was little doubts inside that Louis wouldn't come today, that Louis being the Louis Harry always knew, would stay cooped up in bed, making petty excuses to not come. And that made Harry sigh. 

He walked over to the window in his room that looked down on his mum's front yard and noticed Zayn getting out of the car, while going to the passenger side and watched him wail his arms around angrily, trying to pull open the door that obviously the passenger had locked. To get a better view of who was sat there, Harry had to lean down a little and when he realised who it was, his heart this time, jumped a lot. It was Louis, and even from afar, he looked so beautiful.  
  
His hair was flat, but still tousled around and his wave full of eyes looked so sad and rainy that Harry just wanted to kiss beneath them and tell Louis that everything would be alright. However, they weren't exactly on the best of the terms at the moment, and Harry wished with every aching bone in his body that he could make this better. He always felt that even when he tried to make things better, he always made them worse. He sighed once more and fixed up his shirt as he properly stood up, making his way downstairs to greet the two boys. 

Nausea found it's way back through his body as he answered that door, especially with a gaze that was locked on Harry. He knew Louis didn't mean for him to see, but there were now only rare times where Louis would look at Harry, or talk to him. He was still so gone for Louis though, no matter what was going on and he knew it was going to take some time to crack Louis, because even when he first met Louis there were things he wouldn't say or do for the safety of his own feelings. 

But Harry was supposed to be his other half, he was supposed to know the ins and out of who he was and slowly, but fast all at the same time, those privilege's of Louis he get have begun to slip away. And that was the last thing he wanted, it really was.  


End file.
